Mara,

at last a computer. let’s face it, we’re stuck with these things and we might as well let them maintain their wires and protocols as they may represent the only victory love and friendship have had over distance and the vagaries of the world. of course it comes at a cost but it is one apparently that we are willing to pay. i mean all the abstraction and mechanisation and commercialization. the lack of paper in our hands.

no, i am not being honest. at last i have let myself use a computer. everyone has one now. people buy them before food sometimes I think. the material world is giving way, and if science is actually going to change us into something else it’s getting ready for the endgame. i imagine going to sleep for a few years and waking up to find everyone gone, turned into spirit and algorhythm. and i would have no way of knowing if they were any better or happier or stronger. and i would never hear their wars again if they fought them, and never see their lovemaking if they still could…

who am i kidding? are we kinder because we knew each other? i use the one word for it that I don’t understand. who thinks anymore that the habits of the flesh are the stuff of knowledge? do we no longer know each other? and is the veil of distance any different than the smoke and shadowplay of motives we must admit has not, not been conquered?

will there be marriage in heaven?

no, i shouldn’t have written you. i am breaking a vow by doing so. yet it must come as no surprise to you. he looked nothing like me, my usurper. only – and here is why i have betrayed him – i have been looking in the mirror and seeing something else, the wrong face. no, no, but i will send this anyway before i can change my mind

beijinhos, johnny