..act now, and we’ll also throw in our handy dandy cat hair remover ($28 value). all this at a retailer would cost you well over $225 dollars, but wait, we’re not stopping there. the first fifty callers will also recieve 2 bottles of our patented lemon juice remover ($36), a months supply of latex paint thinner, 2 tubes of our patented dashboard paint ($18), 3 loaves of pickle-bread, a slightly used rubix cube (tm), replacement hubcaps for an ‘81 ford pinto, our new handy dandy floss-o-matic, our attractive commemorative penny display, a packet of sea monkeys, a months supply of individually packaged iodized salt packets, our amazing ‘endless straw’, a one week membership to the tuna of the month club, this amazing fossilized rock, 3 feet of polycarbonate filled climbing rope, an eternity in hell ruled over by satan and his minions, 30 days of MCI long distance service, an electric toilet plunger, 5 blocks of 2000 flushes (thats over 10,000 flushes!!), our patented tongue scrubber (scrub away unwanted plaque), the velcro child safety cabinet locks, the zip-tie-o-matic, 2 chicken dinners and the handy dandy carpet line maker (for that “I just vaccummed” look.)

all this for only 13 easy payments of $29.99 (and your immortal soul).

sorry, no COD’s