This entry began, at one point, with an observation: that as I look back through my entries under the RCIA heading I can see a real progression in my thinking, and a real change in my perceptions of other people, God, and the world. Following that observation in one direction led to an entry on TheAnatomyOfMemory. It can be read as an introduction to this entry, which is more or less the direction I intended to go.

Something has changed. I have spent a lot of time trying to explain what it is, possibly in vain. I’ve written about my perceptions of time and reality, my memory, my relationships to other people, thought about a great many things I can’t write about here. Perhaps the most striking instance was after the Rite of Welcoming back at the beginning of Advent, when each catechumen receives the sign of the cross on his forehead, eyes, lips, ears, shoulders, hands, and feet. For several days afterward I continued to feel those marks. Not physically, of course, but I remembered them, and felt different because I remembered them and what they meant.

I don’t claim that there was any sort of magic in the ritual, except for the deep magic of language itself, which comes from God. An example of the performative power of language, as over and against mere proposition (the logical kind, you filthy-minded rapscallions). We all know what an “I love you” from the right person will do.

What does this have to do with Christmas? Only that I think I’ve finally realized what it means for Christ to be the Word of God. Or rather, it was the first time I really heard God say “I love you” to me.