This used to be what it said in my Friendster profile after, “Who I Want to Meet:” but because of the new, “improved” Friendster it gets truncated by the character limit. Stupid Friendster.

Who I Want to Meet: The Ideal Candidate. The Ideal Candidate does not speak in platitudes, does not give boring policy speeches, does not merely pretend to remember how important you are to the campaign. The Ideal Candidate can meet anyone, from the blue-blooded elite, to the bum on the street, and show them a really great time. The Ideal Candidate throws parties where people from different walks of life meet each other and learn about each other, through the Candidate’s facilitation. The Ideal Candidate is comfortable hunting and fishing, camping and climbing mountains, attending poetry slams and art shows and lectures; and is unpretentiously knowledgable about and/or skillful at all these things. The Ideal Candidate listens to you and brings out the best in you, and, while aware of your personal failings, does not hold them against you. People disagree on what the Ideal Candidate believes in, other than that the Candidate enjoys life and making people laugh and think and love, but everyone can agree that they would follow the Candidate to the gates of hell and back, and even give their lives to save the Candidate’s, because they know that the Ideal Candidate would do the same for them. If all the candidates were called upon to announce what sacrifice they would give for the country, the Ideal Candidate would pledge his life. Not merely upon conditional terms, but upon finishing the term of service, the Ideal Candidate would earn the greatest adulation as patriot, leader, and martyr, by willingly submitting to the guillotine, so that the failures of the nation may be taken upon his head. The entire citizenry would weep at losing this person who gives of himself at every opportunity, and even more so through death.