I need a new superpower. The ones I got ain’t doing it any more for me. Well, I mean, I can still fly and everything. I can turn myself invisible at will. But, you know, I’m getting bored. I want a cool superpower. Not something that everyone on the block has. Practically every superhero can fly, including that dolt Superman. Why’s Lois Lane so hot for his hiney, anyway? Tramp.

I’d like something nifty, something psychokinetic. I’d like to be able to pick locks with my mind, for instance. Including those proximity cards. That’d be cool. Or maybe the ability to open a rift in spacetime. Teleportation would be all right, but maybe with a little twist, some neato effect that people would see when I went somewhere else. Chicks dig teleportation. I would also like to be able to make pan-seared sturgeon. With my mind. I could really use some fish right now. Honest, I’m not asking for much. I don’t need to be all-powerful. I’m not into the whole devil’s bargain, soul selling bit. Just something nifty. To whip out on a rainy day while I’m waiting for the bus.