Apparently I have the same birthday as Google. I must confess there was a moment of disbelief when I saw the banner today and thought, how can they possibly know? Then a moment of fear and panic when I realized that such a feat would be almost certainly possible for them, if they cared to crossreference some cookies or IP addresses with the contents of my Gmail account. What I really need is for Google to remind me of other people’s birthdays. That would frighten me too, but at least it would be useful. In spite of being a Virgo I am the forgettingest person on earth, and I need all the help computers can give me.

What a year! I can say without any hesitation that it’s been the most difficult one yet. I’ve never failed so convincingly at something that really mattered to me, been brought so near to my own weakness and need. As Johnny Cash says about San Quentin, I’m leaving this my 27th year a wiser, weaker man. But the things that broke were the things I have always wanted to kill: my pride, my selfishness, my fear. Far from dead, of course. I still fear love, I’m still drawn to abstractions and generalizations, and when the chips are down I can be as selfish a bastard as you ever met. But there is grace. It doesn’t seem right that it came at the expense of all the hurt I caused. A bittersweet gift: every time I see it I think of her.