It’s just as cold and rainy here, it seems, in Berkeley, as it was in Portland. My room is poorly insulated and noisy with the sound of the street. How nice to be back amongst my clutter of books and music, and though I would trade any of these things for love or even just to see a friend smile, it’s important to have an external space for my mind to roam about in, with each book on a shelf where I can find it, running my fingers over the spines; with clothes for every mood in my closet. A place thick with memories. Some are dear, and some I would like to sink in the bay (often and strangely the same memories). Still, I am not my memories, and it is good to know that I can, as easily as packing up a box with books, lay them aside.

It was a good trip, if hard at times. I saw some very dear friends - Anthony, Elizabeth, Erik, Josh, Mike, Ben, Jason, Jer. I had coffee with my wonderful cousin Liz, the first time I’d seen her in something like fifteen years; I’m very happy to reconnect with her. I had some very long talks with my parents about God and life. Needless to say we disagree on many things. I think they still don’t understand why I’ve made certain choices, but I think in the end they’ll accept them. The usual difficulties of travel, delayed flights, all the beautiful strangers.

Learned while up in Portland that Rosie has bone cancer in one of her legs. It’s pretty much inoperable, so she’ll probably be have to put to sleep once the leg breaks. All of us are in shock, and Tom is pretty near devastated. I think of all the great walks I’ve had with that sweet, loving pooch, and I’m awful sad to see her go.

Being around all my happily married friends and their adorable babies seems to have put me in a marrying mood. All of you pretty Catholic girls had better watch out. I am, I’m warning you now, the son of a preacher man.

All the best for a happy New Year. I am off to a snowy cabin in Tahoe!