beefman:

A legal fiction known to haunt the old Citizen’s Band, in the late 80’s. According to legend, it was inspired by the handle “Lost Sheep” on The Dukes of Hazzard, and has nothing to do with having a point to make.

Birthplace: Sellersville, Pennsylvania.
Current residence, Berkeley, CA.

Beefman emerged from a swamp outside of Gainesville, Florida, in 1997. His access to deadly swamp technology (stench gas, armadillo plating, and the allegiance of the dreaded dreadnoughts) has made him the uneasy coconspirator of Saddam Hussein and the Baroness.

In 1998, beefman took what was left of his TARDIS and returned to the Carter Administration, when the White House still had solar power. There he discovered the wonders of phyllotaxis, pondered low-energy grand unification, and wrote a song about a farm.

deep thoughts

microwave!